forgotten

So I actually forgot that I had started this blog.  oops.

I guess it doesn't matter.  I have not got many followers so perhaps no one missed me in my absense. 

However in saying that, I am going to try now to remember that this is here and use it like I had intended when I started it. 

I have been thinking a lot about memories lately.  Which is kinda fitting, since it seems I am rather forgetful.

I have the insane need to remember events.  Birthdays, Christmases, graduation, etc.  So I do this by keeping a journal, taking a billion photographs, keeping every piece of memorabilia that I can.  It means I also keep stupid things such as old shoes, old t-shirts and in extreme cases, wrapping paper from gifts or flowers etc. 
but at the end of the day, do I really actually remember the event, right down to the details, or do I just have the memories associated with the stuff I accumulate?  And are they real memories or are they just the memories I have created to associate with the stuff I have? 

and, at the end of the day, does it really matter if I remember these things or not? 

We go through life and us sentimental types hang on to our past in order to feel like we have had a purpose, to cling to those memories so that we know we have lived.  But do we really need to have all the clutter of a lifetime worth of memories, or can we actualy remember without having all the stuff?

I went to Hawaii in early 2011, and I took photo after photo, I kept plane tickets and souveniers.  And yet my actual hard core memories that are in my actual head are still there without needing the cue of a photo.  And at the same time, there are photos which I look at and can no longer remember the context in whcih they were taken and therefore I just look at the photo and wonder what it is I am meant to associate with it. 

whereas my boyfriend just went to las vegas, didn't take a single photo, bought 2 souveniers and was drunk probably 80% of the time.  so I wonder how his memories of the trip of a lifetime compare to my memories of my trip.  and in a way i am envious of him, because he doesn't need to document his life to know he has lived.

The other interesting thing is that there is a real desire to share with the whole world through facebook or whatever the everyday workings of our lives.  This is like not only proving to yourself that you have lived but proving to everyone else as well.  I think nowadays people get dressed up and take funny photos not because the experience itself is amusing and enjoyable, but because they can share it on facebook and prove to the world that they are funny and embracing life and being crazy and seizing the day and all that stuff.  Countless check-ins to places and tagging the people you are with also feeds the same need to remember what you have done, where you have been and to demonstrate that you are alive.  If you look at someones profile who hasnt done check-ins or anything, you think how boring they must be.  But on the flip side, a constant updater is just a stain in the newsfeed and you get annoyed with their incessant posting. 

I guess however we try to document and remember our lives, computers, the internet and social media and all that stuff have really helped.  If I was still using film cameras (which I actually would if i had more money for film and procesing!), I would have to buy a new house just to store all the images and albums.  So now that my photos are just stored digitally, I take up less physical space (and just keep growing in data storage!).  I keep writing in actual journals though, so by the time I am 60 I will have like ten billion notebooks in my house.  But I dunno if it is worth it cos I read a journal from 10 years ago hoping to find out what my life was like in my final year of school, and really it told me nothing cos all I wrote about was my obsession with the love of my life at the time who had broken my heart.  so I had no memories of what I did day to day or who my friends really were or whatever.  But lots of memories about how my heart had been broken.  And when I read it, I didnt really want to remember that terrible time!

So I guess that as we all progress though life, we all like to know we have left proof of our existence in some way.  My concern is that when they find my decaying body amongst 10 cats and 50,000 journals and photographs, that my stuff will just be discarded and the proof of my existence would disappear.  So all my hard work will just be chucked out lol. 

But at least I would have tried I guess.