One Little Goal

I would like to say this is my first ever blog post, but I can't. This is not my first blog post. I have blurted the inner workings of my brain on msnspaces, myspace and facebook. So now that I have stipulated that, I feel that the pressure is off for this post - it is not my first, so it does not need to be poignant. Cos that was one of the things preventing me from writing on here; the fear of not saying something 'special'. The other preventatives include the fact that, I couldn't find a name. Then I chose a name, which someone else already had. So now the name I have, I don't like. So I thought, why bother posting a blog? Why start again? Why put effort in to something that I don't even like the name of?
Well, the answer is, simply this; I had to do something with the thoughts in my head.
As a troubled procrastinator, I used every excuse under the sun to not get this blog up and running. And I still kept procrastinating, even once I had taken the first valuable step to beginning! I am not the only one in the world that experiences the dreaded lurgy of procrastination, but what makes me curious is; why? Why do you, or I, procrastinate? When you actually get on to the task at hand, and, shock horror, complete said task, you feel AMAZING. So why doesn't the self-gratifying side of my ego kick in more often and tell me to 'just freaking get it done, you'll feel AMAZING!'
So, after much delay, I have figured out (and you will notice the lengthy amount of time it took for me to finally get to my point, kinda....) that for me, it is the fear of failure that stops me from moving forward.
My brain says "Oi, You, start your own photography business'.
But some other part of my body, I hate to pin the blame on my heart but I suspect it is him, says 'No, you suck, don't bother, too hard, do it later when you are better, do it later when you have finally taken the best photograph in the world, do it later when...'
The fear of failure carries through into so many aspects of my life. At university, i was obviously told that my talent was either worthy of a HD or worthy of a fail, and that made me feel comfortable in the world. I tried hard cos I knew I wouldnt fail, and if I did, I would know how to succeed next time.
I would like to propose to myself, and to you reading this who may also have a fear of failure, that instead of doing nothing and thereby achieving nothing (and instead of going back to uni... ugh), set yourself the smallest goal and once you have achieved that, you will have the confidence to make a bigger goal, then a bigger goal and then magically, you have eventually achieved your dream.
I am no expert, and you can tell me I am stupid. But this blog is my small goal, and as soon as I push publish post, I have achieved my small goal. And even if you do call me stupid, I will feel like I can then achieve my next sized goal. Or, another little goal. Either way, I am one little piece closer to solving this funny puzzle.
So, here I go, failure or not, I am hitting 'publish post'.