I made some of the best art 'of my life' when I was a teenager. I graduated from Uni with a Bachelor of Contemporary Arts at the age of 21, and I thought I was super amazingly talented.
When I was in year 10, I started adult ed photography courses, so by the time I got to Year 11 and 12, I already knew what I was doing with a 35mm SLR Camera, so I thought I was pretty super good at what i did. In year 12, I was one of the top rated students at my college, my work got selected to be exhibited in a show, the college also bought my work, as did a private seller - and my art was 'good'. By the time I got to uni, I was confident in my abilities and got Distinctions and High Distinctions for most of my assignments, and had work selected for student exhibitions etc. And, my art was 'good'.
Same as for dancing - by the time I got to uni, I knew how to choreograph a contemporary dance piece (in the artistic sense with motifs, structure, form etc) so I felt that I was good at that too. I also got Distinctions and High distinctions for most of my choreographic pieces, and I was unique and quirky in my movement so I felt confident in my ability.
So, why then, did I suddenly become such a terrible artist when I left university? My photos were boring, my choreography simplistic, my ideas and stimulus limited. And discouraged by this, I have unknowlingly become less and less inclined to focus on my artistic practice - even though I dream of doing it on an almost weekly, if not daily, basis.
I read a quote on pinterest that it is actually normal for 'new artists' to leave the confines of a structured art degree and feel lost. Unispired. No one to assess our work, to give us feedback, or to criticise us and make us aware of where we went wrong. Except our family and friends who would love what we do regardless. No one to set us with assignments designed to inspire within set parameters - we have no original thought, despite being told we would have. But the quote did go on to say, that if we just keep making art, no matter how bad it is, we will start to improve until we have a sufficient body of work.
I can eventually be a kick arse artist, even if it takes me 50 years to become so.
So this rounds up that section of this entry, howevers the teenager aspect that I have also noticed this week, is what I want to think about next because it links to the idea of being inspired and making art etc.
As a teenager, I made angsty, emotional, pain stricken art work. In both dance and photography. I had no pre-conceived ideas of what I should or shouldn't do, what had or hadn't been 'done' before - I just did. I just made art, whether it was original or not, it was new for me and that was all that mattered.
These days, I do not have such heavy-duty emotions. And when I did, I was so low down in a hole that making art was the last thing on my mind! And it is quite tricky, for me anyway, to make art when I am happy. Well, art that i think is any good anyway... And, I am painfully aware of all my ideas being just weaker copies of something that has been done before, or something that no one would be interested in watching. I could get away with that when I was younger, but no respected artist gets very far being unoriginal.
Teenagers haven't been limited by anything. They seek to do what they have seen before, because it is good and they can replicate it in their own way. Plus, they have the excuse that they are still learning so therefore if a photo or dance or painting or whatever is on the weaker side, one knows they are still learning and appreciates that. But when you leave uni, or whatever, you feel like you now should know it all (even though you know you don't) so replication or making a mistake or creating something mediocre becomes humiliating, rather than forgivable.
So, you just stop making art.
This week I have come to be jealous of the teenagers around me who are making 'the best art of their life' and it saddens me that they may become jaded 20-year-something-olds who no longer make art for arts sake. That they are incapable of pushing through the lack-lustre space of time before hitting the artistic jackpot.
So, I have now come to realise, that as someone who has been out of uni for five years, enough is enough, and I will set out to see if I can ever become the artist I long to be. I aim to achieve this goal by the time I am 55 years old. That should give me plenty of time.
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